I was born in California and raised as a mixed child. As far back as I can remember, my mother has reminded me of my ancestry. She often and still says “Danielle…” with her beautiful smile, “You are a ‘mutt'” or she’ll call me a ‘mulatto’. My world in San Francisco was diverse and included kids of all different backgrounds. My childhood best friend, Jorgé, to whom I was attached at the hip, was a Mexican kid from a neighborhood adjacent to mine. Back then, we were young, innocent, and unaware of the constructs of the United States of America.
We moved to New York City when I was 10. It wasn’t until after we moved that I started to experience “othering” and somewhat of an exclusion from one of the ethnic groups that represented me – the African American community. I was often asked if I was Puerto Rican or Dominican. Sometimes, Black people would just flat out say ‘You must be Native American because you have “good hair”‘. All of these interactions were so new to me. I was often confused by the questions, but as a child and newbie to NYC, I’d simply let people know where I was from and share my ethnic background. I was born in SoCal to an African American and Blackfoot Indian woman and an African American, Cherokee Indian, and European man.
Awakening
As in California, New York City is a melting pot of cultures. As a teen and young adult, it was challenging to navigate being othered from the Black community and tokenized from the white community. Black folks called me an ‘Oreo‘ because I spoke “proper English” and wasn’t Black or urban enough. So, I limited my vocabulary and spoke in slang to be accepted and no longer bullied. I’m obviously not 100% white. However, I existed in a predominately white, privileged space where I was tokenized as not being like “those” Black people. For a long time, it felt like I wasn’t enough for the ethnic groups that represented me.
It wasn’t until the unfortunate death of George Floyd that I fully comprehended that in America, I am Black.
My father’s family settled in Detroit after the great migration. As in the South, the Midwest is not as progressive as the West or Northeast regions of the U.S. Lately, I’ve been spending more intimate time with my father and gaining a deeper relationship with him while also learning more about my European ancestry. This aspect of my lineage during the pandemic and the modern black lives matter movement was profoundly intense! Reconciling who I come from and who I am versus whiteness in America made those movements more ubiquitous. It often felt like no matter what my mother had taught me about who I was, I was seen as no more than Black! I couldn’t escape the bigotry or constructs of racism and caste in America.
The Americas, Africa, Asia, India, and so on have all fallen victim to the radial social engineering of the colonial settler movement. While the pandemic was a gut-wrenching experience that I think we are all continuing to come out of and heal from, it was a pivotal moment in my life that ignited my conscious journey. I had been on a long, nuanced journey of sexuality before the pandemic and this global phenomena fully exposed the U.S. and its construct of ‘black’ and ‘white.’ This reckoning helped me to connect the dots and better understand who I am in the grand hierarchy of the world rather than only through the narrow lens of the United States of America.
False Idles
I’ve come to realize that I never lost my style. I mean…how can you lose something that was never truly yours? With the support of my mother, I assembled a wardrobe that was reflective of an attire I felt allowed me to conform to and be more respected in my homeland. Don’t get me wrong, I love suit style and if wearing a suit is the only way I am seen as a professional and not like “them” then you can keep the suit because I am one of them.
I am a proud African American, Native Indian, and European woman. I don’t need to wear a suit or conform to a system of false idles to know who I am and see the value of my existence in this beautiful yet complex world that I am a part of.
To my fellow marginalized Americans, when you have the opportunity and the means, I implore you to leave America and explore other worldly places. America can be the land of opportunity, but mainly, it’s the land of propaganda. You do not have to conform to its ideologies or limit yourself to this land alone. There is a beautiful world out there with people who have been just as marginalized as you have. People who want to share their experiences and cultures with you. Travel so that your perspective shifts and fill your cup while expanding your consciousness. This creates healing and growth!
My Style
Style is a celebration of individuality. Through reconnecting with who I am, a mixed woman, I have rediscovered my uniqueness.
My mother was influenced by her mother’s style – my late grandmother Anna Louise. I didn’t get the chance to meet her, but I hope, wherever she is, she is proud of how her daughter showed up in the world and how she’s influenced me.
My mother taught me everything I know about fashion versus style, including how to layer for the winter weather. Northeast winters can be pretty brutal. The windshield factor isn’t a help.
A shawl cable-knit cardigan is a classic and cozy wardrobe stable. When you invest in quality, you won’t need to keep shopping for more. Fun fact: I purchased this cardigan sweater ten years ago. It has yet to disappoint me.
The shawl cable-knit cardigan is the perfect garment to incorporate with your winter layers. I layered the forest green cardigan over a navy Merino wool sweater and beige turtleneck for extra protection from the cold.
Style can be a radical way of expressing yourself without saying a word. I paired the cardigan and Merino wool tops with a pair of distressed jeans with the statement engraved – False Idles. Fitting, wouldn’t you think? Last but not least…Thursday Boots, Captain Boot.
Reflection
We look back to remember and celebrate and hopefully gain a better sense of self. No matter how you were created, you’re unique and one of one. That is worth celebrating. Stay true to you!
Shawl Cable-Knit Cardigan (Zara), Merino Sweater (Uniqlo), Turtleneck (Uniqlo), Jeans (Hudson Jeans), Necklace (Jonas Studio), and Captain Boots (Thursday Boots)
Photos by Marta Skovro
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