I’ve always been one to walk to the beat of my drum. As a late queer bloomer who came out at 20 yrs old, I never thought much about how my sexuality would cause others to marginalize me. With that said, my mother didn’t raise us to exist within the constraints of social constructs. She also always encouraged us to be polite, kind, compassionate, and give grace while striving to be the best version of ourselves. However, I soon learned that humans are a complex species co-existing in a complex world.
These past two decades have been an intense yet beautiful journey of ‘peeling back the layers.’ Much like today, back then, America was still perpetuating its race war. On top of that, we didn’t have the language or emotional tools to help us navigate sexual orientations or identities. It often felt uncomfortable or unsafe to talk about your sexuality out of fear of not being accepted or worse. Society has matured quite a bit since I was 20, becoming more inclusive and supportive. With that said, we still have a long way to go.
Deprogramming
I often say that colonization was the greatest marketing scheme of all time. I’m obviously being sarcastic, however, there is some truth to my sentiments. As a result of colonization, whether we choose to admit it or not, one of the things humans struggle with most is perception. I think I fell victim to this, worrying about what I couldn’t control.
Coming out was my first step toward liberation. Discovering my style, ridding my hair of chemicals – going natural, and launching ‘She’s a Gent’ followed. However, while taking these transformative steps to step into my truth – freeing myself of the status quo, I didn’t realize that I was still programmed to subscribe to patriarchal norms.
There was barely any visibility of LGBTQ+ women back then. With nowhere to turn to for inspiration on what it looked like or meant to be a queer woman, I continued to lean into what influenced me most…hip-hop, sports, and the ‘culture.’ However, as a young adult, I was completely unaware of the nuanced effects that the system had on the ‘culture.’ So, as I continued to lean into the harmful and hurtful behaviors that the culture was perpetuating, I was also, unknowingly, further effectuating toxic masculinity.
I think that one of the misconceptions that people have about androgynous or seemingly masculine presenting women is the idea that we want to be “men” or want to assume the position of being the “man” when in a relationship. This was never the case for me. However, when you existed in a patriarchal-driven society that lacked healthy LGBTQ+ visibility, it was inevitable that you adopted those masculine norms.
America is the land of capitalism. Like crabs in a barrel, in some way, we are all sprinting desperately, trying to achieve success. The system has normalized more, more, MORE! Capitalism and power can be an ugly combination. When under those illusory ‘American Dream’ spells, it can be challenging to pause, breathe, reflect, learn, and grow.
The success I was gaining from She’s a Gent – a passion project turned into what felt like overnight ascension – was moving so quickly that I didn’t realize I was sinking deeper into the patriarchal matrix. Then, fortunate enough for my journey, the world shut down, allowing me to pause and experience a radical shift in consciousness.
Grateful
While the pandemic was mentally and emotionally taxing, it was extremely liberating. During a time of such uncertainty, I decided to take a break from She’s a Gent and focus on myself – reflecting on who I had become, my journey, my identity, and most importantly, my mental health, which allowed me to gain the tools needed to further ascend.
I am immensely grateful for my parents. Their lived experiences, resilience, support, and wisdom continue to help guide me through this complex world. In hindsight, I sometimes wish I had absorbed more of their teachings and tools at a younger age, but that’s the beautiful thing about this life journey. It’s one big lesson. The hope is that as we peel back the layers, we become more aware and wiser over time.
My Style
Taking a break to reground myself and strengthen my inner peace has allowed me to reconnect with myself. As a result, I’ve rediscovered my style.
My mother is one of the most creative and innovative humans that I know. It’s one of the many reasons why I am inspired by her. Over the years, she’s helped me to reestablish my style.
She used to work in luxury fashion so she has a keen eye for elevated, sophisticated style.
I purged so much during the pandemic, keeping core items that affirm my sustainable, modular wardrobe like these check trousers.
Shedding masculine norms has allowed me to balance my yin and yang and lean into my androgyny.
This ensemble is simple yet elevated. A casual silk shirt is an easy way to effortlessly add a touch of elegance and sophistication to any look. I layered the button-up over trousers and slipped on a timeless pair of Ferragamo loafers to seal the deal.
Remember, simplicity is key!
Reflection
I’m looking forward to the next phase of ascension. Only time will tell what I uncover about myself and the world as I continue peeling back the layers and enjoying this beautiful experiment called “life.”
Silk shirt (Abercrombie), Trousers (The Tailory New York), Loafers (Salvatore Ferragamo), Shades (RayBan)
What do you think?